Scam Red Flags: A Guide For Family Members
The Scam Red Flags Checklist: A practical guide to help family members identify...
Copyright © 2025 GranGuard. All rights reserved.
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Janet wanted to protect her 76-year-old father from online scams after he received several suspicious emails. Her first instinct? Take control—change his passwords, install monitoring software, and restrict his online activities. But something held her back. She knew that approach might damage their relationship and her father’s sense of independence.
Sound familiar? If you’re trying to help an older adult with security, you’ve probably felt this tension. You can see the vulnerabilities, but addressing them without overstepping feels like walking a tightrope.
Here’s the good news: you don’t have to choose between security and dignity. Creating security plans with seniors rather than for them accomplishes both goals. When older adults participate in designing their own security measures, they understand why they matter and are more likely to stick with them long-term.
For more on why collaborative approaches work better than directive ones, see our article on Why Security Conversations with Seniors Can Be Challenging.
In this article, we’ll walk you through how to develop collaborative security plans that actually work. You’ll discover how to involve seniors in assessing their own security needs, implement approaches that make sense for their situation, and create clear documentation that supports rather than restricts. Think of it as security teamwork rather than security takeover.
Let’s start by adjusting how we think about this whole endeavor. Instead of seeing yourself as solely responsible for your loved one’s security (talk about pressure!), try viewing yourself as a knowledgeable partner bringing resources to a shared goal.
This isn’t just about feeling better—though that helps. Security measures imposed without buy-in often fail spectacularly. Why? Because they get circumvented when not understood, they create dependency instead of capability, and let’s be honest, they sometimes generate just enough resentment to ensure they’re not followed consistently.
Partnership recognizes what each person brings to the table. You might have more technical knowledge or awareness of the latest scams making the rounds. Your parent or grandparent brings deeper understanding of their own capabilities and preferences. Together, you create solutions that are both effective and acceptable—the security sweet spot.
Trust is your foundation here, and transparency is how you build it. Being completely upfront about your concerns, proposed solutions, and the limits of your involvement shows respect in action.
Start conversations with clarity about your intentions:
For specific language to use in these initial discussions, download our Security Conversation Starter Guide
This transparency should extend to everything you suggest. If you recommend a password manager, explain exactly how it works. If you suggest account alerts, be specific about what information they reveal and who would see it. No hidden monitoring, no secret access—these undermine the trust you’re working to build.
Forget formal security assessments that feel like an interrogation or evaluation. A conversational approach turns the process into something that feels more like a helpful discussion between equals.
Try opening with questions about current practices and concerns: “How do you currently keep track of your passwords?” “What types of online activities do you enjoy most?” “Have you ever received emails or calls that seemed suspicious?” “What security concerns do you have about using technology?”
These questions reveal potential vulnerabilities while demonstrating that you value their perspective. They also give you insight into which security measures might actually get used versus ignored.
Instead of pointing out security problems (which can feel judgmental), invite joint discovery through activities you do together.
Share your own security stories and invite them to do the same. You might say, “I got this weird email claiming to be from Amazon yesterday. Let me show you what made me suspicious about it. Have you seen anything like this?” This normalizes security challenges—everyone faces them, regardless of age or tech savvy.
Offer to look through email or account settings together, asking permission at each step: “Would you mind if we looked at your email settings together? There are some helpful security features we could explore.” This side-by-side approach feels cooperative rather than intrusive.
Another easy opener is discussing recent news about scams targeting seniors: “I read about this new phone scam targeting Medicare recipients. It got me thinking about how we might make sure you’re protected from something similar.” This talks about vulnerabilities without making it personal.
While keeping the conversation natural, try to cover these key security areas:
For account security, you’ll want to discuss how they manage passwords, what recovery information they’ve set up, whether they use any two-factor authentication, and if they have login notifications enabled.
Device security includes checking if their operating system and apps stay updated, whether they have any security software, if they use screen locks, and what backup systems might be in place.
Communication security covers email awareness, how they screen phone calls, text message practices, and social media privacy settings if applicable.
Financial security involves online banking measures, transaction monitoring, fraud alerts, and notification preferences.
Throughout your conversation, make sure to highlight strengths alongside vulnerabilities: “You’re already doing a great job of checking your bank statement regularly. That’s one of the best ways to catch problems early.” Positive reinforcement goes a long way in making these conversations productive. For more information and additional insights on how to conduct these assessments, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has a number of useful resources.
Security isn’t all-or-nothing. Rather than implementing maximum protection immediately (which often creates resistance), consider a graduated approach based on actual risk, preferences and capabilities.
Think of security in tiers, starting with the least invasive options:
The ideal approach starts at the lowest tier necessary and includes clear criteria for adjusting the level of support based on demonstrated need—not assumptions or convenience.
Within each security tier, preserve choice and agency by offering options rather than directives.
Present multiple solutions: “There are several ways we could approach password security. We could use a password manager, create a secure written system, or set up limited shared access. Which sounds most comfortable for you?”
Invite modifications: “This is my suggestion for monitoring bank transactions. How would you want to adjust this to better fit your preferences?”
Clarify decision authority: “You’ll make the final call on which approach we use. My role is just to explain the options and help implement what you choose.”
Respect partial implementation: “If you’re comfortable setting up these account alerts but not ready for a password manager, that’s completely fine. We can address one area at a time.”
This approach recognizes that effective security doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Some protection that aligns with the senior’s comfort level is better than perfect security that creates resistance or resentment.
Learn more about implementing graduated security measures in our article on Teaching vs. Doing: How to Build Senior Security Skills.
One of the trickiest parts of helping seniors with security is figuring out who’s responsible for what. If you’ve ever heard (or said) phrases like “Did you update your password like we discussed?” or “Why did you change my settings without asking me?”, you know exactly why this conversation matters.
Think of collaborative security like dancing – without clear roles, you’ll be stepping on each other’s toes constantly. The most successful partnerships spell out who’s leading which parts of the dance.
Start with a heart-to-heart about day-to-day security tasks. Who’s going to keep an eye on those software updates? Who’ll handle password changes when needed? These might seem like small details, but they’re exactly where misunderstandings creep in. You might decide that Mom will manage her own passwords (because privacy matters), while you’ll stop by once a month to help with updates (because those notification pop-ups can be confusing).
Now comes a sensitive but necessary conversation – account access. Rather than making assumptions, ask directly: “Would it be helpful if I could view your bank transactions if something suspicious comes up?” Many seniors are perfectly fine with limited financial account monitoring but would rather keep their email private – and that’s completely reasonable. Whatever you decide together, be crystal clear about which accounts, what information, and under what circumstances access would happen.
Don’t forget to nail down how you’ll communicate about security matters. Will you have a quick chat during your Sunday phone call? Set up a monthly “tech check-in” during visits? Decide how you’ll handle urgent concerns too. Some families use a code phrase that signals a non-urgent security question, helping conversations feel natural rather than invasive.
Setting these boundaries isn’t just protecting your loved one’s independence (though that’s important!). It’s also protecting you from the impossible burden of trying to manage someone else’s entire digital life. Clear roles mean everyone knows what they can count on.
Even with the best plans in place, there will be moments when more hands-on help becomes necessary. Think of intervention triggers as your family’s fire evacuation plan – you hope you’ll never need it, but everyone feels safer knowing it exists.
The key is identifying which situations warrant stepping in before there’s a crisis. Vague worries like “I’m concerned about Dad’s computer use” can lead to frustration on both sides. Instead, talk about specific, observable circumstances that would signal it’s time for additional support.
Financial security triggers are often the easiest to discuss. You might agree that any unexplained withdrawal over $200 warrants a friendly conversation. Or perhaps you decide that three unusual transactions in a week – even small ones – is your signal to check in. Many families set up transaction alerts after a close call with a scam. They don’t take over finances – they just create an early warning system both parties feel comfortable with.
Account security has its own set of potential red flags. Has your dad suddenly started receiving password reset emails he didn’t request? Is grandma getting messages from friends saying they received strange links from her account? These specific situations make natural intervention points that feel less like monitoring and more like looking out for each other.
Sometimes the clearest triggers come from seniors themselves. If your usually tech-confident father mentions feeling confused by emails he’s receiving, that’s a perfect opening to offer support. Self-reported incidents (“I think I might have clicked something I shouldn’t have”) or expressed concerns (“These investment offers keep coming in and I’m not sure if they’re legitimate”) signal readiness for collaboration.
For each trigger you identify together, talk about what happens next. Some situations might call for a simple conversation, while others might require more immediate help. The goal isn’t to create surveillance but rather a safety net that respects independence while preventing serious harm.
Remember, these triggers will likely evolve over time as technology changes and comfort levels shift. The occasional review keeps everything current and working well for both of you.
Most security documents read like a list of restrictions. Collaborative security agreements take a different approach – they emphasize shared understanding and support.
A good agreement starts with a clear purpose statement that emphasizes both security and independence: “This agreement outlines how we’ll work together to maintain online security while supporting continued independence and privacy.” This sets the tone for everything that follows.
Next, define roles in ways that emphasize partnership: “Jane will provide technical assistance with security updates and be available for questions about suspicious emails. Robert will maintain his passwords securely and alert Jane to any concerns about potential scams.” Notice how both parties have active roles – this isn’t about one person managing another.
Include guidelines for graduated intervention that respect autonomy: “If unusual account activity is detected, we’ll first discuss the situation together before making any changes. If immediate action is needed to prevent harm, Jane may take limited, temporary measures followed by full discussion.” This clarifies what happens in different scenarios while maintaining the collaborative approach.
Don’t forget to explicitly address privacy: “Access to financial information will be limited to reviewing for suspicious activity without monitoring regular spending habits. Account login notifications will be enabled, but actual content will remain private.” These specifics prevent misunderstandings about boundaries.
Finally, build in a review process: “We’ll look at this agreement every three months to ensure it continues to meet both security needs and personal preferences, making adjustments as needed.” This acknowledges that circumstances and needs change over time.
The best security documentation is clear, accessible, and empowering – not overwhelming. Here are some formats that work particularly well:
A one-page security overview covers key security measures in place, who to contact with concerns, basic security reminders, and where to find additional information. Think of it as the security “cheat sheet” that provides just enough information without overwhelming detail.
A security contact sheet puts all important contact information in one place: official information for banks and service providers, family member contacts for security assistance, emergency response contacts for potential security breaches, and space to note recent concerns. This simple resource can prevent panic when something suspicious occurs.
A graduated response plan outlines specific situations that might arise and appropriate responses to each, who is responsible for which actions, and how decisions will be documented. This clarity prevents both over- and under-reactions to security concerns.
An account access register provides transparency by recording which accounts have shared access, the specific permissions granted, when and how access will be used, and a log of when access has been utilized. This accountability helps maintain trust in shared access arrangements.
Here’s what a condensed security agreement might look like in practice:
Smith Family Security Partnership Agreement
Purpose: This agreement outlines how John Smith and his daughter Mary will work together to maintain online security while respecting John’s independence and privacy.
Review Process: This agreement will be reviewed every three months, with both parties suggesting any needed adjustments.
Signatures and date
This simple document clarifies expectations, respects independence, and provides security without creating a controlling dynamic.
Security isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it situation. Needs and capabilities change over time, and regular reviews ensure protection remains appropriate without becoming unnecessarily restrictive.
Consider setting up a simple review schedule: brief weekly check-ins about any concerns or questions, monthly reviews of basic security practices and any incidents, quarterly reassessment of the overall security plan, and an annual comprehensive evaluation. This might sound like a lot, but these can be quick conversations once the framework is established.
These regular discussions do something important – they normalize security as an ongoing conversation rather than a one-time intervention or crisis response.
Security reviews should feel collaborative rather than like you’re checking up on someone. Focus your discussions around recent experiences: any security concerns encountered, challenges with existing measures, positive experiences with security systems, and questions that have arisen since your last chat.
Check if current systems are working as intended. Ask directly: “Does our password system still feel manageable to you?” or “Are the account alerts helpful or just annoying?” Look for gaps in protection that might have become apparent and whether automated systems are functioning properly.
Pay attention to environmental changes too. Has your loved one gotten a new device or created new accounts? Have their online activities or needs changed? Are there emerging security threats to be aware of? Have there been any health or living situation changes that might affect security practices?
After discussing these areas, make adjustment decisions together. Which security measures should continue? What new protections might be helpful? Should any current practices be modified or discontinued? Are there new skills to develop or resources to explore?
Document these conversations simply, focusing on decisions made and any changes to your security agreement.
The most effective security plans evolve smoothly rather than in crisis-driven jumps. Watch for signs that adjustments might be needed, like increasing frequency of security incidents, growing anxiety about managing security, new health factors affecting technology use, or an expressed desire for additional assistance.
Also be alert for indications that more independence may be appropriate: consistent demonstration of security awareness, increased comfort with technology management, proactive identification of potential threats, or an expressed desire for more autonomy. The National Institute on Aging provides guidance on how security needs evolve as circumstances change.
When changes are needed, implement them gradually with clear communication. Frame adjustments in terms of changing circumstances rather than personal capability: “Now that you’re traveling more, it might make sense to add this extra account verification step when logging in from new locations.”
Creating security plans with seniors rather than for them does take more time and patience than simply implementing protection measures. But the benefits make this investment worthwhile: security measures are more likely to be followed consistently, your relationship remains based on respect rather than control, the senior maintains dignity and agency, protection adapts appropriately to actual needs, and both parties understand their roles and responsibilities.
True security isn’t just about technical protections—it’s about creating systems that people willingly participate in because they understand and value them. By taking a collaborative approach to security planning, you help create protection that enhances rather than diminishes independence.
The most successful security partnerships recognize that older adults are not simply recipients of protection but active participants in their own security. Their wisdom, preferences, and participation are not obstacles to work around but essential elements of truly effective security planning.
This article is part of “The Security Conversation” series from GranGuard, designed to help family members and friends support the seniors they care about in navigating digital security challenges with dignity and respect.
GranGuard combines scam education and data protection to defend your loved ones from cyber fraud.
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Copyright © 2025 GranGuard. All rights reserved.